Family Matters: How Should I Handle a Challenging Would-be In-Law?
I’ve been dating a woman (Jennifer - not her real name) for 5 months. I’m 35 and she’s 29. I know she’s the woman I want to marry. I haven’t said anything because I plan to
date at least a year before proposing. I don’t even bring up the topic of marriage. I love her and I’ve told her that. She feels the same.
So the relationship is great, with one exception - her mother.
I have a serious problem on my hands. What I’m going thru could be a scene right out of the movie, The Graduate. Her mother makes inappropriate
comments to me when Jennifer is not in the room. She’s even called me more than a few times at the office and invited me to family gatherings and told me I can drop by early before everyone else arrives.
She’s come on to me a several times. I’ve told her I’m not interested. She never gets angry with my rebuffs, but that doesn’t stop her from continuing the behavior. She’s married - to a wealthy, well-known philanthropist in our community.
She’s really attractive - she’s sexy, in great shape, well-preserved, and a very young 51–certainly not out of the realm of someone I “could” date. But, I’m not interested in her - on any level –and the thought of that actually repulses me. I’ve never given her any indication that I have any interest in her - none.
How do I tell my girlfriend her mother is coming on to me and that she won’t stop? Jennifer and her mother are so close. I can’t stop her mother’s lecherous behavior and I might lose Jennifer. And, what if her father should find out? What can I do to stop the mother’s behavior? How can I explain this to Jennifer? This could be my future mother-in-law! Am I in an impossible situation? What’s your advice?
Someone from Sydney
Dear Someone,
We recommend you follow standard procedure for dealing with sexual harassment.
1. Write down in a diary some notes that summarise each of the events, and continue to do so.
2. Tell the mother in direct language that her approaches are unwelcome.
3. If she persists, tell her again and warn her that you will be forced to discuss the issue with her husband and daughter. (Don’t be bluffed - if she’s trying it with you - she’s tried it before. In fact it’s probably a familiar problem for them!
4. If she still doesn’t back off, request a meeting with her husband and Jennifer. Beforehand, write down how you want to tell them and practise it. Be clear on why you are telling them - (out of your love for Jennifer and your regard for the family.)
You must do this. Do not go into a marriage with this matter hidden. It has to come out, and you can resolve it with compassion, common sense and dignity. If you do not address this, it will come back to bite you on the backside in the future!
Tread carefully - there is truth in the saying “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” If the husband and/or your girlfriend turn on you, well you’ve had a glimpse of your likely future with that family and you are better off out of there!
Rick and Jo Harrison
Licensed Coaches with Relationship Coaching Institute
What is YOUR single biggest most burning question you have about how to attract your soulmate? This newsletter is your access to having Rick and Jo answer your question! Just email your question to info at YourSoulmateSuccess.com
