Soulmate Success

Most couples experience stages in their relationship.  The initial stage is Attraction, the “honeymoon” phase when Mother Nature is at work causing our brains and bodies to release a brilliant cocktail of euphoric drugs designed to ensure the procreation of the species. The second stage is the Power “Dance”, when the euphoria fades, and reality sets in. We want to develop the relationship and at the same time re-take “ground” lost or given away in the Attraction stage when our partner “could do no wrong”.  Stage three is Emotional Intimacy, when the relationship has grown and developed through the Power Dance and the couple is able to relax and enjoy each other, discovering more about each other as acceptance and curiosity forge a stronger union. The final stage is Mature Love where the couple nurture and support each other and create opportunities to fall in love again and again.

The passage from Attraction through the Power Dance is often the period when relationships founder.  The most powerful way to move through the Power Dance into Emotional Intimacy is to adopt an attitude of gratitude.

A common issue during the Power Dance is taking each other for granted.  Because either partner assumes the other is still in the Attraction stage, they think that he/she will continue to fawn and pander to their every whim. Taking someone for granted is an expression of ungratefulness .  Ungratefulness is the main cause of unhappiness and scarcity in our lives, whereas gratefulness has been proven to bring a multitude of benefits (more below).

By failing to appreciate your partner’s qualities, you will attract precisely what you do not want.  Be grateful for everything you take for granted in your partner, and more.  Be grateful for everything you have been given in your life, including all your experiences of being alive. Gratitude is a powerful emotion which boosts your ability to manifest what your heart desires. The Law of Attraction is based on an important universal principle: whatever you focus on expands. It means that whatever you give your attention and emotional energy to will manifest.  As Dr John de Martini says “what you think about and thank about, you bring about”!

How do you shift from ungratefulness to gratefulness? A couple who have been married for over 67 years were recently interviewed by Jesse & Melva Johnson  and said that being Grateful for each other was the secret to a long and happy relationship!
“It is quite simple,” they said, “but to be successful you have to train your mind to look for the positive rather than the negative. This one thing above all else has had a tremendous influence both in our marriage as well as in our family.”

Regardless of how tough your current circumstances are – what a horrible day you’ve had, or how sore and sick you’ve woken up or how broke you are - the practice of expressing gratitude on a daily basis to your partner causes a Shift in your perception that yields amazing benefits.  And remember – it doesn’t actually matter whether your perception of your life is right or wrong. Our life experience is determined by where we focus our attention.

Whether you be grateful or ungrateful is a matter of choice. So, if you’re unhappy, it’s quite possible that your focus has been on the negative. If you want to create more joy and happiness in your life and between you and your partner, then you must focus on what you can be grateful for.  Create a habit or practice that reminds you of what you can be grateful for and share this with your partner.

Here is a simple practice that we have used almost every day since we became a couple (feel free to adapt this to suit you – e.g. write in a journal, send a daily email, leave a voice message etc):

Each morning and/or night share with your partner 5 things in your life that you are grateful for and make sure at least one of those things is an aspect of your partner!  (Note : It’s important to be authentic –don’t worry once you start it really is easy to find 5 things in your life  and partner to be grateful for!

If you don’t feel grateful… ask yourself, “If I was feeling grateful, what could I be grateful for?”
Then be grateful for being grateful.

Declaring our gratitude causes a state change which you feel with your whole heart and radiate from every cell….we create resonance with our hearts and a new energy becomes present between you and your partner that will take you to the stages of Emotional Intimacy and Mature Love .
The flow-on benefits are startling… as revealed by Sonja Haller in a recent article in the Arizona Republic Newspaper:

Gratitude can help your health, marriage and more

Health

• Improved immunity: Grateful people are more optimistic, and research indicates optimism boosts immunity. In one study, University of Utah researchers compared the immune systems of healthy, optimistic law students and found that, under stress, students maintained higher levels of blood cells that protect the immune system compared with their more pessimistic classmates.
• A relaxed heart and brain: Gratitude triggers oxytocin, a bonding hormone, said Rollin McCraty of the Institute of HeartMath in California. As a result, the nervous system relaxes. McCraty said gratitude also is associated with more harmonious electric activity around the heart and brain, allowing more effective operation.
• Improved fitness: Researchers had one group keep a weekly journal of things for which they were grateful, and another group tracked complaints. After nine weeks, the gratitude group experienced fewer aches and illness than the complaint group, according to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The thankful group also slept better and spent 80 more minutes per week exercising.
• Connectedness
• More-positive marriages: Psychology Professor John Gottman at the University of Washington has found marriages thrive when couples experience at least five positive (gratitude) encounters (a surprise gift, an expression of love) for every negative encounter (a complaint, a put-down).
• The pay-it-forward factor: Robert Emmons said his studies corroborated previous research finding that habitually grateful people are helpful, kind people. They provide more compassion and sympathy than less-grateful people.

Emotions

• More optimistic: Members of the group that tracked its gratitude felt better about their lives and were more optimistic about their future, according to the study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
• Less materialistic: The Journal of Happiness Studies found that gratitude reduces materialistic cravings because thankful people savour their possessions longer.
• Emotionally tough: Those who remind themselves of their good fortune, Emmons found, “remain untouched by circumstances such as economic downturns or which political party is in power.”

Gratitude certainly sounds like the Elixir of Love and Life!

We acknowledge the following for providing information used to create the above article: Tania Kotsos author of Mind Your Reality, Jesse and Melva Johnson authors of Mining for Gold in Your Relationship.