Soulmate Success

 Dear Coach

I’ve been dating this guy for a while - 6 months. We’re both in our thirties, never married. Every time we go out, he wants to split the bill 50-50 – whether it’s for a weekend at a hotel, a basketball game, or dinner – whatever. I thought this was okay when we first started dating, but now that we’re dating exclusively, it seems like too much. He likes to go out a lot, but it’s economically challenging for me. When I bring up issues around money, I sense “anger” arise in him. Naturally, that keeps me from saying more.

Except for the money, I love dating this guy. We have a great time and we get along really well. What should I do? What’s the money protocol when it comes to dating nowadays?

Anne from Anaheim

Rick and Jo  respond …

Given you have been dating for 6 months, the time for protocols is now past! There is no right or wrong way to handle the sharing of expenses. What’s important here is the kind of relationship you want to develop with this man.

It sounds like you are taking a submissive stance here. It’s not okay with you that he earns more yet he expects you to pay 50/50 on dates. Do you decline dates with him when you know you can’t afford them? If not, why not?

From what you said, he doesn’t actually get angry. Instead it sounds like you sense some negative energy which pushes your buttons and you feel unsafe. There is something for you to develop in yourself here so that you can be confident around discussing things that don’t work for you, without holding back due to fear of rejection or retribution. A good coach can work with you to identify and break through the limiting beliefs that are making you wary and timid of honest and open communication.

If you are willing to discuss money with him, make sure you set up the conversation. Tell him that you love dating him and why. Tell him you are uncomfortable about discussing what you want to discuss but you see the need to resolve it and to grow more confident in your partnership with him. Ask for his support and understanding.

Then tell him what you experience around splitting bills 50/50 and ask for his experience at those times. That way you give him permission to be uncomfortable discussing it too, and you’ll both be free to say what you need to say. Hopefully, he’ll respect you and trust you as a result.

The Communication Map available online at www.TheCommunicationMap.com is a great tool for working systematically and respectfully through difficult issues together.
If your man responds angrily then you really need to ask yourself why you want to stay with him. Every moment you spend on a poor choice prevents your soulmate from finding you!

Warning: Given all the above, trust your intuition about this man. If you believe that physical violence or abuse is a real possibility, do not raise the issue of money. End the relationship. Speak to the police or a help line about the best way to stay safe if you fear retribution for breaking off the relationship.
Sick of kissing frogs?  Go to www.SecretsToSoulmateSuccess.com to receive your FREE CD and video e-Course valued at $297.

by Rick & Jo Harrison

With all the doom and gloom around the world’s financial markets and the talk of impending recession, we felt that this was a good time to re-visit your Life Vision and reconnect with the source of your power and direction in life.

In our first article Rick has drawn from the transcript of a teleseminar about Vision, that was run by Frankie Doiron (the president of Relationship Coaching Network) and David Steele (the founder of Relationship Coaching Institute, and the author of “Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World”).

In the current economic climate many people experience uncertainty and fear about their survival. In this article we’ll be talking about life vision, and why having one is really going to provide you with the framework you need to maintain a healthy and inspiring frame of mind in the face of panic and negativity.

Being clear about your life vision is really the key to holding strong and providing  leadership in your relationships, your families and your communities.

Most people aren’t aware of their life vision and thereby make reactive decisions which can have disturbing consequences.

It’s critical for you to identify the limiting beliefs about what’s happening in the world right now, what’s keeping you from atracting your soulmate and achieving your other
dreams, because your limiting beliefs are the weight that keeps the iceberg of your vision below the water line and and unable to impact your state of being, energy and vibration.

Why is it so important to be clear about your vision?

Your vision is your inner guidance system. Your vision is reflected by images in your mind, of the kind of life you’d like to live and the soulmate relationship that you want.

Your vision guides your choices. It’s your inner guidance system helping you to make  decisions which are aligned with what you want, with what is good and right for you and  what feels good.

Your vision also leads you away from other choices, like, “Well, this doesn’t fit,” or  “This isn’t right,” or “I don’t want that.”  Vision based choices are not totally rational.

It’s not like you’re evaluating every choice in your head with a cost-benefit analysis.

It’s about how it feels and how it matches with the inner image in your head of the kind of life, the kind of relationship you want, the kind of outcome that you want.

So the choice that you identify that will get you the outcome you want, you’re drawn towards and feels good to you. And the choice that you identify that will take you away from that, you don’t want.

One of the interesting things about vision is you don’t really create it. It’s already inside you. You discover it. And it’s like an iceberg, where, at any one point, we’re typically aware of the tip, like the top 10 percent. And there is a whole lot more to reveal.

So the thing about vision is, the clearer you are about it, the more you lower the water line and get in touch with the rest of the 90 percent that you can’t see. It then becomes far easier to achieve your vision, because the choices and resources needed to achieve that vision just appear. They become so clear. They’re right in front of you.
And if you’re not so clear about your vision, it’s like you’re in murky waters, it’s harder to see, life seems confusing, and you feel helpless about your life and  how to achieve your vision.

So being very clear about your vision is a very empowering concept.

We’ve seen this over and over again. All of our programs begin with vision. The very first thing we do with our clients is ask, “Who are you? What do you want? What do you want that to look like?”  Because the clearer you get about it, the more apparent become your resources and choices appear for how to do that. It becomes like falling off a log. It’s really that easy. The law of attraction really, really kicks in because you’re
focussing on what your soul desires and that is a very powerful vibration.

Another thing about vision is that it’s empowering, energising and exciting.

With the negative energy being generated by the global financial crisis, now more than  ever is the time to focus on your vision.  If you feel depressed, or notice yourself feeling like a failure, or inadequate, or if things feel hopeless and you’re feeling discouraged, tap into your vision and remind yourself why you are here on this planet and how you can provide leadership in every interaction, with every person to lift their spirits.

Right now is a good time to “chunk down” break your goals into smaller pieces or easier targets. Focus on the skirmishes instead of the battles, and you’ll find it’s easier to have  some wins.

There’s nothing like success. When you’re in touch with what your vision is,  then take some small baby steps toward achieving your vision.  You’ll start to  experience some success,  which feels great. You’ll get lots of great energy from that.
You’ll feel way more powerful when you’re clear about your vision and you’re in motion towards achieving it.

To recap:

*     You do not choose your vision, you discover it.
*     You do not have control over your vision.
*     It is an inseparable aspect of who you are and serves as your inner guidance system, driving you towards smart choices and away from reactive choices.

Still searching for your soulmate?  Go to www.SecretsToSoulmateSuccess.com to receive your FREE CD and video e-Course valued at $297.