Soulmate Success

By Susan Ortolano, M.A.

So, you have ended a relationship. You are feeling lost, sad, and angry among a host of other emotions. You are experiencing many thoughts in your mind and you are drawing conclusions, making assumptions, and declarations as you try to analyse what happened and decide where to go from here. The need for boxes of chocolate may be quite strong at this point!

What I suggest is not about finding a new hobby, running away from home, or buying a new wardrobe. It is also not about jumping back into the dating world as fast as you can. While those are logical external next steps, I am suggesting a different approach.

I am prescribing an internal retreat process that will not only help you heal, but also will rebuild your inner foundation so your external steps are more conscious and effective. This process will also profoundly affect your next relationship experience.

While getting back into the dating world may be part of your plan, I recommend these five steps before posting your next internet profile.

Step 1: Wallow in it!

Huh? Yes, wallow in it. It’s important to allow the gut-wrenching raw emotions to come up to the surface. Why? Well, we normally resist them and do our best to stuff them back in. When we resist them, they persist; they push back even harder and when we suppress them, they grow even stronger.

When we embrace the sadness, anger and frustration that come up, we can then let them run their course and then set them free. So write it out on paper, scream it out in a pillow, cry, do whatever you need to do. Just let those feeling do their dance.

Step 2: Reconnect with Yourself

Often when we come out of a break-up, we want to escape. We want to move away from the pain, the thoughts, and the memories. We may also want to escape from ourselves and from who we are. But this is the moment to do the opposite and to take contrary action.

It’s time to turn inward and reconnect with yourself. You have just left a world that was about someone else’s needs and wants; it’s time to center
yourself in your own. Spend some time in stillness each day — whether you spend 5 minutes or 60 — just be in your own energy.
Get to know yourself again. Check in with your core, rediscover your values; reconnect with your inner sense of spirit. Fall in love with yourself again.

Step 3: Examine and Release the “Stories”

Notice your thoughts. Notice your assumptions. Pay attention to the conclusions you’ve drawn. These are the beliefs that create the energy that
becomes your reality. Following a break-up, these “stories” intensify and feel real. Let them speak and tell their tale! Invite them forward, examine them; see what they are trying to create for your future.
These “stories” are actually based on “what was.” We cannot change “what was,” but we don’t have to let it predict our future. There are several techniques that help this process along and are quite effective. I recommend The Sedona Method® and the work of Byron Katie. These inner “stories” and beliefs can influence the future that hasn’t even happened yet. After you examine and release these thoughts, you can tell a new and improved story.

Step 4: Vision a New Future Relationship

Creating a new vision for your life not only feels good, but also gives it a new direction. It opens up space and allows a new path to appear in front of
you. There may be a future relationship on that path and you may even find some of your relationship needs, wants, and requirements have actually evolved.
Create it in writing and create a vision board with inspiring photos that are vibrant and alive to you. You can then energise and visualise your board daily.
Step 5: Acknowledge the gains

Every relationship offers opportunities to grow, evolve, and expand your consciousness. Relationships can bring you closer to your spirituality, inform
you of issues that require healing, and let you know where you stand in relationship to yourself. At first, it may not seem clear that there were actual gains or blessings from your time with that person; but as you move forward, you’ll be able to see them.
Maybe it helped you to know how strong you are or showed you a particular quality you have. When we can see the gains and blessings, we can look back and appreciate our journey, knowing it has brought us that much closer to who we really are and to having the right relationship.

So, before you run out and cut your hair off, buy a new car, or eat 5 quarts of ice cream, give yourself the dignity of the inner retreat time. Allow
yourself to grieve, examine, release, vision, and acknowledge, so that when you get back into the dating world, you are rejuvenated, open, and ready to embrace love again. And, of course, a good relationship coach can guide you through
that process!
Copyright © 2008 by Susan Ortolano. All rights reserved in all media.

Susan OrtolanoSusan Ortolano,
M.A., is a Psychic Relationship/Life Coach & award-winning educator. She is a Certified Master Relationship Coach and Instructor with the Relationship Coaching Institute. Susan holds a Master’s Degree in Spiritual Psychology from University of Santa Monica, a Bachelor’s degree from UCLA and Teaching
Credentials from CSU Dominguez Hills. www.RadiantPathways.com
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