Soulmate Success

At the 3 Steps to Soulmate Success seminar Rick and Jo will be taking you through the 3 Steps to Attracting your Soulmate and the deadliest Dating Trap of all, the “mini-marriage” and how you can avoid it.  If you are committed to bringing love and joy to your life once and for all with proven Soulmate Success systems… then attending 3 Steps to Soulmate Success is a MUST!  To find out more or register go to:

http://www.SoulmateSuccessSeminar.com

Ask Rick and Jo 


Dear Rick and Jo,

How can I tell if a man is ready to commit to being in a relationship with me? Men don’t seem to express a desire to commit and I don’t want to put them off by expressing what I am looking for.   How can I figure out who is ready for commitment and who isn’t?

Therese from Tasmania

Dear Therese,

We have a mantra “Who you’re looking for is looking for you.”  If you come from that belief, you will feel completely free asking the questions that will determine whether this one is THE one.  However there are some steps to take before you will be able to truly believe.

1. Engage in some rigorous self discovery. Become aware of your limiting beliefs and what they are causing in your life. Create beliefs that will attract what you want.

2. Create your future.  Become clear about the kind of relationship you want, the relationship that resonates with your life purpose and values.

3. Assume Responsibility. Become The Chooser - confidently sort out men who are not a match for your relationship vision so that you are available and ready for the man who wants a committed relationship.

You can fast-track your results by working with a RCI coach who will guide and support you on your journey.

Rick and Jo Harrison
Licensed Coaches with Relationship Coaching Institute

What is YOUR single biggest most burning question you have about how to attract your soulmate? This newsletter is your access to having Rick and Jo answer your question!  Just email your question to info at YourSoulmateSuccess.com

I’m being Interviewed tomorrow (Friday) at 2pm by Sue from Home Biz Chicks about Managing Your Inner Critic.

If you would like to listen in, click HERE.

On the call you will learn:

•    The origins and workings of the Inner Critic and the Inner Voice;
•    Why one will never lie to you, while the other will always mislead you;
•    How you can easily identify which one is in charge of the conversation;
•    Why habitual behaviour is a key to retraining the Inner Critic, eliminating your limiting beliefs and accelerating the Law of Attraction;
•    The 5 step process for controlling your internal conversations and your life.

If you would like to attend go to:

http://www.homebizchicks.com/public/department53.cfm

and register - you’ll also receive a free copy of the special report “How to Generate Free Publicity for Your Home Based Business” valued at $99.You’ll also receive a free subscription to the e-newsletter, Smart Biz Chicks, packed with information and advice on how to start and grow a successful home-based business.

by Rick Harrison

Earlier this week, we were feeling flat and uninspired.  We looked at what was going on, why were we “down in the dumps” and we realised that we’d lost sight of our WHY and had gotten immersed in the HOW and WHAT.

Sometimes we get bogged down in the “doing” of life and our “to do” list seems to be a never-ending list of tasks for which there is just never enough time.  What is usually “play” becomes toil.  These are the steps to restoring your mojo!!!

1.  Validate your feelings. Losing our mojo happens. It doesn’t mean we are inferior beings – it just
means we’ve lost connection with our WHY.

2.  Get in touch with your WHY again.  Why do you want a soulmate relationship? What will that mean for you and your family?  Allow yourself to feel the emotion of having a delicious relationship.

3.  Get Real. It’s easy to get resigned and settle for life how it is.  In order to change our condition, we must first acknowledge our reality. Tell the truth to yourself about where you’re at where you want to be.  Then take baby steps towards where you want to be and feel the mojo surging back into you.

4.  Have Faith and Be patient. Everyone’s future is uncertain, yet the ones who succeed are the ones who hold their faith.  The pitfall is to become impatient. When this happens, our emotions get in the way of our common sense and we can self-sabotage by not doing what we know to do. Hold strong by believing “who you’re looking for is looking for you”.

5.  Write down the beliefs, the things deep in your heart that you know to be true and which gives you support when you’ve lost your mojo and are feeling flat and uninspired.
We believe that our greatest work is still ahead of us. We know that we will always be together and our families will always love us.  We believe these things to be true and they provide a resurgence for our mojo when we feel our souls begin to grow tired and falter.

6.  Let go of Resisting what you don’t like.  Say yes to what is and let go of trying to control your life and make the most of what life throws at you.

7.  Get Involved. Get out and get involved with the people you love and people you would love to meet.  You could even volunteer in your community, or go and make a difference with a group or organization that shares your values.

8.  Focus on the positive. Be grateful - consciously look around you and appreciate the people in your life and the abundance that surrounds you. NEVER compare your self to anyone else.

Man, writing that was good for my mojo!

I’ve been dating a woman (Jennifer - not her real name) for 5 months. I’m 35 and she’s 29. I know she’s the woman I want to marry. I haven’t said anything because I plan to

date at least a year before proposing. I don’t even bring up the topic of marriage. I love her and I’ve told her that. She feels the same.

So the relationship is great, with one exception - her mother.

I have a serious problem on my hands. What I’m going thru could be a scene right out of the movie, The Graduate. Her mother makes inappropriate

comments to me when Jennifer is not in the room. She’s even called me more than a few times at the office and invited me to family gatherings and told me I can drop by early before everyone else arrives.

She’s come on to me a several times. I’ve told her I’m not interested. She never gets angry with my rebuffs, but that doesn’t stop her from continuing the behavior. She’s married - to a wealthy, well-known philanthropist in our community.

She’s really attractive - she’s sexy, in great shape, well-preserved, and a very young 51–certainly not out of the realm of someone I “could” date. But, I’m not interested in her - on any level –and the thought of that actually repulses me. I’ve never given her any indication that I have any interest in her - none.

How do I tell my girlfriend her mother is coming on to me and that she won’t stop? Jennifer and her mother are so close. I can’t stop her mother’s lecherous behavior and I might lose Jennifer. And, what if her father should find out? What can I do to stop the mother’s behavior? How can I explain this to Jennifer? This could be my future mother-in-law! Am I in an impossible situation? What’s your advice?

Someone from Sydney

Dear Someone,

We recommend you follow standard procedure for dealing with sexual harassment.

1. Write down in a diary some notes that summarise each of the events, and continue to do so.

2. Tell the mother in direct language that her approaches are unwelcome.

3. If she persists, tell her again and warn her that you will be forced to discuss the issue with her husband and daughter. (Don’t be bluffed - if she’s trying it with you - she’s tried it before. In fact it’s probably a familiar problem for them!

4. If she still doesn’t back off, request a meeting with her husband and Jennifer.  Beforehand, write down how you want to tell them and practise it.  Be clear on why you are telling them - (out  of your love for Jennifer and your regard for the family.)

You must do this.  Do not go into a marriage with this matter hidden. It has to come out, and you can resolve it with compassion, common sense and dignity.  If you do not address this, it will come back to bite you on the backside in the future!

Tread carefully - there is truth in the saying “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”  If the husband and/or  your girlfriend turn on you, well you’ve had a glimpse of your likely future with that family and you are better off out of there!

Rick and Jo Harrison
Licensed Coaches with Relationship Coaching Institute

What is YOUR single biggest most burning question you have about how to attract your soulmate? This newsletter is your access to having Rick and Jo answer your question!  Just email your question to info at YourSoulmateSuccess.com

by Rick Harrison

“I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.”
from Dune by Frank Herbert

Fear is one of the strongest emotions felt by human beings.  It’s origin is in the amygdala of the brain and the behavioural response is adrenaline-loaded avoidance and escape. Regardless of whether a threat is actually life-threatening (e.g. you are about to step onto the road and suddenly all you can hear is the sound of screeching brakes…) and or merely a trigger for the same emotional response (any event which reminds us of a past incident when we experienced pain - such as acute embarassment, physical hurt, sorrow etc).

Around 12 months ago Jo began confronting her greatest fear, a fear shared by most of us - the fear of public speaking.

Last weekend Jo was victorious in conquering her fear. She stood beside me on a stage as we presented the 3 Steps to Soulmate Success to around 200 women.  Until then the largest audience that Jo had spoken to was 20 people!

Is fear holding you back from attracting your Soulmate or from some other goal?

Here are Jo’s tips for conquering her fear of public speaking:

1.  Remember the first time that those unique feelings associated with the fear were felt by you. Examine what happened , how you felt and how you’ve  tried to avoid similar threats ever since. This will always be a contraction or constriction of self-expression as your body prepares you for escape. (This is the first step in facing the fear - getting inside it and understanding it so you look at it and no longer look at your world through its eyes.)

2. Get in touch with your Why. Why you want to overcome the fear. For Jo it was so she could make the difference to relationships that we are both committed to making.

3.  The next tip is to take a small step toward conquering the fear. For Jo it was registering in a workshop (run by our mentor Joey Martin) about selling from the stage. Another  step was to schedule our first co-presented seminar and then to actually do it.

4. When you plan your mini-victory (it will feel like an impending battle!) prepare yourself fully so that you do not feel exposed, regardless of whether it’s speaking in public or asking someone out. And get support from friends and family who want you to win.

5. Keep challenging yourself with more steps toward your goal and don’t be put off by the occassional “defeat” - despite your original fear you did NOT die!

6. Given that fear causes contraction and constriction - take regular action to achieve your goal.

7. Celebrate the victory!

Like the quote says “Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

Last Saturday I was very proud to watch my Soulmate present from the stage and loving it.  When she walked off - the fear was gone. Only she remained.

If you find your self expression is contracted and constricted when socialising, then why not use these tips to conquer one of your fears of being a single?

Dear Rick and Jo

“I have placed my personal profile on an online dating site. I don’t want men selecting me or not selecting me because of my looks.  I’m  not sure if I should include my picture? What do you suggest?”

Amanthi of Armadale

Dear Amanthi,

Studies show that profiles with a picture are more effective.  Select a photo that is recent and accurately portrays you.  We also recommend that you use your profile to present your authentic soul to prospective dates.  Do not fall into the trap of  trying to be attractive to as many men as possible in order to “cast a big net”.  This will waste your time as you try to figure out who is a soul match for you! Remember our mantra “who you’re looking for  is looking for you”!  They need to see your image as well as read your rofile.  Your soulmate will be excited when they discover you.

Amanthi, they are searching for you!

It’s the same principle as niche marketing.  A wide niche that tries to appeal to everyone gets poor results.  An authentic, narrow and deep niche is easily recognised by the right person looking for that niche.

Present yourself as you truly are to attract the relatively small number of men who could be the one and use your profile to communicate clearly and succinctly who you are looking for”.

Rick and Jo Harrison
Licensed Coaches with Relationship Coaching Institute

What is YOUR single biggest most burning question you have about how to attract your soulmate? This newsletter is your access to having Rick and Jo answer your question!  Just email your question to info at YourSoulmateSuccess.com

Sick of kissing frogs?  Go to http://www.SecretsToSoulmateSuccess.com to receive your FREE CD and video e-Course valued at $297.

By Liliane Grace

I recently read an article in which the author, Lori Gottlieb, believes that many women are too fussy in their choice of a life partner. In her opinion, they should settle for Mr Good Enough rather than holding out for a romantic fantasy. She advises her reader: “Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling ‘Bravo!’ in movie theatres. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go.” And she makes a valid point.

We’re fed such a steady diet of Hollywood romances on TV – in fact, her article draws heavily on television characters – that it’s easy to compare real people with celluloid people who’ve had powder dusted on their blemishes, whose words and actions are backed by stirring music, and who’ve had to re-state their lines until the Director is satisfied. So, yep, if you want to be happy in a relationship, you need a decent sense of reality.

But ‘settling’? Ugh! The word ‘settling’ travels with the words ‘for less’. And who wants to be viewed as ‘less’? We’ve all got bad habits. There isn’t a single perfect person on the planet. The nature of life in this 3D world is that everything comes in polarity: up/down, in/out, hot/cold, male/female… And, as philosopher, speaker and author, Dr John Demartini teaches, every human being possesses every trait, positive and negative, in one form or another. You can’t avoid some unpleasant personal characteristics – they go with the territory of being human.

But you don’t have to ‘settle for less’, with all that that infers. Settling for less drags the settler down while it demeans the ‘settlee’. Our thoughts and attitudes have a
direct bearing on our emotions and subsequently on our approach to life, so viewing your partner as ‘less’ is hardly going to enhance your relationship.

1 “Marry Him!” – Lori Gottlieb argues the case for settling for Mr Good Enough; In fact, words are terrifically important. Language is actually the thing we use to engender our experience of the world - we name and describe our experiences in words, we respond to our words with feelings, and then we act on our feelings out in the world. (There’s a clue about this in the Bible: “And the Word was made flesh…” John 1:14, King James version.)

Since language is the cornerstone of our experience, it makes sense to use it constructively. You can’t walk around saying ‘I feel awful, nothing good happens to me, things never work out for me…’ and expect to feel wonderful or create a stunning life. The thing is, if you want to have a great life, you’ve got to be conscious of what you’re saying about your life and use the words you’d like to experience. This is not just some dandy idea called ‘positive thinking’, it’s plain common sense.

For example, the word ‘can’t’ is just a cover for ‘won’t’ - after all, where there’s a will, there’s a way. ‘Try’ is equally weak – if you hear, ‘I’ll try to do better’, you know they’re stalling. On the other hand, if they say, “I’ll do better’, you hear commitment. ‘I have to get this done’ applies pressure and stress to the doer; ‘I choose to get this done’ is a centred, strong statement.

Here’s a goodie: ‘I need love’. We all need love, it’s a human pre-requisite for flourishing, but if we’ve got an ‘I need love’ refrain happening in the backs of our minds, we’re probably setting ourselves up for disaster. ‘I choose love’, ‘I desire love’ – design your own statement; just pay attention to the feeling that it creates.

So if language has such a huge bearing on attitude and experience, the way we think about our (potential) partners is paramount. To be honest, I’d hate to be married to
someone who ‘settled’ for me. And I can talk, because that experience was part of my relationship story. Was. Thank God I woke up, but way back when I had only a centimetre or two of self-esteem, my partner gave up on his dreams of the go-getter career woman and ‘settled’ for me, the big-dreams-small-results-girlfriend. And when he settled, he lost his spark; became depressed; just mooched around. Meanwhile I felt awful because I knew I didn’t inspire him. The negative connotations of settling go both ways, right? The fact is, when we don’t think we’re worth much, we ‘don’t deserve much’, so we’re unlikely to attract a really gorgeous, self-actualised mate.

Fortunately the doldrums of life are really gifts wrapped in brown paper. If you can get the deceptive wrapping off, you’ll find the gift. My partner’s lack of interest in me
bothered me and festered until I hit the wall of no return. We headed into counselling and by the end of the year the wrapping was in shreds: we had a transformed relationship and I was a new woman.

Here’s how language came into it: I changed ‘I’m sick of this’ and ‘I can’t bear this anymore’ into ‘I deserve better’. As the self-talk changed, so did the self-image and self-esteem. I coached myself into a new headspace. Instead of ‘settling’, try ‘choosing’. It gives way to a much better feeling - and a better attitude. The mindbody connection is alive and well. You simply can’t use negative language and expect to see positive results or feel fabulous.

Lori Gottlieb is right when she observes that hanging out for Mr Right (= Mr Perfect) isn’t the smartest of moves. Some years ago I wrote an article called ‘The Perfect Partner – Perfect for What?’ (Whole Person Issue #44, Sept/Oct 1995) in which I made the point that the purpose of marriage was not necessarily happiness, but growth. So while I agree with Ms Gottlieb that a flawless partner is a fallacy, I don’t believe we need to surrender our dreams. Instead of settling, try engaging with your partner until he’s the man of your dreams.

Gottlieb says “…you walk into a room and start talking to this person who is short and has an unfortunate nose, but he ‘gets’ you.” Why the emphasis on the nose? Why the ‘but’? I would have thought that finding someone who ‘gets’ you is wonderful, is what it’s all about! The whole point of relationship is to hook up with someone who values enough of the same things as you so that you are heading in the same direction.

Usually when we do, we don’t notice the nose. (Now, the nose, in fact, is an important piece in the whole picture. When we’re infatuated we only see the lovely things, and
the nose-things turn up later. If, in the early glow of love, one can notice the nose, accept the nose, and keep building relationship, that’s a great thing. On the other hand, if we’re enjoying the connection but discounting it because of the nose, well that, to me, is a pity.) Inevitably, the person who ‘get us’ will also value some things that are in direct opposition to what we find valuable – that’s where the growth comes into it. And it’s not a concept that seems to turn up in her article anywhere. What if the drab or irritating bits are there on purpose? What if they’re gifts wrapped in brown paper?

I suspect that if you sat down and made a list of all your partner’s pros and cons, you’d find heaps to appreciate (the pros) and plenty of opportunity for enormous growth! (the cons). Forget the static Mr Right idea –it’s an illusion. Forget about settling for Mr Less – that’s demeaning for both of you. Instead, consider deliberately co-creating your relationship. Tackle the unmentionable things. Dive into honesty and open communication. Take responsibility for being the person you want to have in your life. Instead of wishing he or she would change, you change.

This sort of approach is messy and uncomfortable and things don’t necessarily transform overnight, but when they do, it can be magical. I went from a stuck relationship with a depressed partner to a committed, conscious relationship with a man who is deeply in love with me. It’s not all perfect. In fact, in the midst of all that wonderment we are dealing with a fairly sizable ‘next challenge’. But hey, that’s life.

It’s about growth and development, not ‘finding’ or ‘settling’. Our potential partners are not robots sitting in factories waiting to be collected; they are living breathing human beings who deserve to be appreciated, honoured with honesty, and challenged.

Anything can be transformed. A little irritating habit or a relationship gestalt. So long as we are willing to communicate, listen, and value ourselves and the other.

Here’s a story for you about how I came to grips with one of my partner’s less attractive qualities. When I first met him he had the habit of chewing the inside of his lip when he was thinking. I found it really irritating. One day, when we were on a long drive in the country and he was chewing, I decided to do it too to see what he got out of it. So he drove and chewed and, unbeknownst to him, I chewed too.

And discovered that it made me feel thoughtful and inward and reflective. Quite a nice feeling. Funnily enough, that was enough to dissolve the charge I had on his chewing
behaviour. I never even noticed him do it again. To be honest, I don’t know if he has, and I’m talking twenty years.

Where the big issues are concerned, strap on your seatbelts for some deep conversation. Call in a counsellor to support you in hearing each other. Take risks. I chose to risk my whole relationship because my growth as a person was more important to me than keeping a stuck relationship intact, and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. Asking my man to be more rather than less, and upgrading my own behaviours, has been transformational.

Gottlieb is regretting not having settled. (She conceived with donor sperm.) If she had settled, she reckons, she’d have someone to share the parenting journey (and the
load). Maybe. Or she’d have someone to separate from down the track because she settled and then regretted settling.

In the ecology of relationships, diversity is queen:  some people are going to parent solo, some are going to create blended families, some are going to go for a traditional arrangement, some are going to set up gay households, some are going to leave the child-raising to grandparents, some are going to opt for a sperm donor (whether via an IVF arrangement or via settling for Mr Less in order to have babies)…

I believe we each choose the journey that offers us the most growth. Don’t settle; instead, embrace the brown paper parcels and start unwrapping.

“The biggest temptation is to settle for too little.” - Thomas Merton 1800

Liliane Grace is a Melbourne-based freelance writer and speaker, and author of The Mastery Club – See the Invisible, Hear the Silent, Do the Impossible.

www.themasteryclub.com.au

Sick of kissing frogs?  Go to www.SecretsToSoulmateSuccess.com to receive your FREE CD and video e-Course valued at $297.

Dear Rick and Jo

I met a great guy and really want to date him. We’re both in our forties and have teen-aged children. We get along well and we’re both really interested in each other.

There’s definitely a spark/chemistry. He’s been divorced 5 months after a 22-year marriage. We’ve gone out twice together for lunch.

I want to date him (and he’s made it clear he wants to date me), but I am not sure that’s the best thing to do given his recent divorce. I’m really drawn to him and I don’t want to lose him–he seems like a perfect match. Yes, my heart is over-taking my common sense. He says he’s ready to move on and get into a new relationship. And, I’m definitely ready. I’ve been divorced for several years and want to get married again.

What do you think about me dating him? My friends say it would be a big mistake and that I would be the “rebound girl.” I definitely don’t want that. So, if I do wait, then how long should I wait until I date him? If I wait, he may meet someone else. What’s the best approach to a situation like this? How do you know if and when someone is ready to date when they’ve experienced a divorce? And what about just taking it slow with him - would that work? What’s your advice?

Carolyn from Cronulla

Dear Carolyn,

Ahh the thrill of new love! Feels great doesn’t it?  Enjoy those feelings yet be very careful to ensure you are making a conscious choice.

How long has he been separated from his former wife?  This is more important in considering the risk of being a rebound girl than the date his divorce papers got stamped!
It’s great that you have not given up and you want to marry again. We’re sure you want this one to be your soulmate relationship, so it is critical that you be an angel not a fool. Do not rush in! Be the chooser.  Trust the attraction you feel and proceed carefully. Continue to date him but date other men too.

Here is a great way that you can maintain contact with him, and develop the awareness, skill and attitude necessary to create a conscious, soulmate relationship. Both of you could engage an RCI coach to ensure you are each aware of the critical criteria that you must have in a relationship for it to endure and flourish. At the end of the coaching program, you’ll both be clear if you’re a match. If yes…great!   If not… you can support each other to attract your soulmate.  Either way it’s a “win win”.

Rick and Jo Harrison
Licensed Coaches with Relationship Coaching Institute

What is YOUR single biggest most burning question you have about how to attract your soulmate? This newsletter is your access to having Rick and Jo answer your question!  Just email your question to info at YourSoulmateSuccess.com

Sick of kissing frogs?  Go to www.SecretsToSoulmateSuccess.com to receive your FREE CD and video e-Course valued at $297.

by Rick and Jo Harrison

How do you manage your mind? The complex relationship between the old brain and the cerebral cortex can be confusing. What’s real? What’s just an opinion? Why are my feelings so strong about this if it’s not real?

Studies into how the human brain works have revealed that our old brain,  comprised of the brain stem and the limbic system operate like an automated filter system.  The purpose of this filter system is to take the messages received by all our senses and make them fit into its blueprint for your survival and safety.  The operations of the old brain occur at an unconscious level and we default to the old brain blueprint for every experience that we encounter.

The key message here is that when the blueprint was designed - we were children. Our automatic safety response system was designed by an upset child!  You may have noticed that many of your beliefs about your self irritate and annoy you because they are childish!  For Rick it seems like he is wasting energy and time arguing with himself.

Now the good news is - the new brain (the cerebral cortex) can retrain the old brain or re-design your default survival system.  It just takes practice and it is done one belief at a time.  This is what is meant by “treading a new neural pathway”.

Research by NASA scientsists has shown that it takes 30 days to create a new habit or a new belief system at the level of the old brain.

jouranlOne of the most powerful ways of retraining the old brain is to keep a journal that logs events or evidence which prove the new belief to be true.  Rick has struggled since childhood with his old brain telling him he is not successful and his old brain constantly and automatically is seeking evidence to re-inforce this point of view. The outcome is a constant battle between the new brain identifying evidence of success and the old brain proving lack of success. You may be familiar with this dynamic which shows up as “I know I’m successful but feel like a failure” or “I know I’m a good catch but I feel like no one will want me” … Is this pattern familiar to you?

Rick has embarked on a practice designed to retrain the old brain. Each night he is to meditate (a usual practice before sleep) and, following that, write down in his journal 3 things about his day that show he was successful. After 30 days his relationship to himself and his success should flip. Jo will keep you posted!

Why not adopt this practice to flip one of your own demons!

Sick of kissing frogs?  Go to www.SecretsToSoulmateSuccess.com to receive your FREE CD and video e-Course valued at $297.